Monday, August 16, 2010

Elvis Presley

Note from Spanish Johnny: “To honor the King on the 33rd anniversary of his untimely passing, please enjoy the following deadlines…”

More like...

1) Good Croakin Tonight
2) Can't Help Falling Off The Toilet And Dying
3) In The Ground-o
4) It's Now or Never -- Probably Never

Friday, June 4, 2010

John Wooden

LOS ANGELES -- John Wooden, the UCLA basketball coach who became an icon of American sports while guiding the Bruins to an unprecedented 10 national championships in the 1960s and '70s and remained in the spotlight during retirement with his "Pyramid of Success" motivational program, has died. He was 99.

More like…

1) John Wooden Casket
2) The Wizard of Wormwood
3) Casketball Coach

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Rue McClanahan

NEW YORK -- Actress Rue McClanahan, who played the Golden Girl that got around, died June 3 of a massive stroke. She was 76 -- a fact her alter-ego on 'The Golden Girls,' the bawdy Blanche Deveraux, would never dream of divulging.

More like…

1) Old Dead Whore
2) Rue McClana-ho
3) Rue McGotAround
4) Blanche Deceased
5) MoRgUE McClanahan
6) Rue got chosen by the McClanahand-of-fate
7) Rue Morgue

Here's one from the archives (Bea Arthur, I believe):
8) Golden Ghouls

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Dennis Hopper

LOS ANGELES -- Dennis Hopper, the high-flying Hollywood wild man whose memorable and erratic career included an early turn in "Rebel Without a Cause," an improbable smash with "Easy Rider" and a classic character role in "Blue Velvet," has died.

More like…

1) Blue Velvet-lined Coffin
2) Rebel Without A Pulse
3) Easy Dier

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Gary Coleman

PROVO, UT -- Gary Coleman, the adorable, pint-sized child star of the smash 1970s TV sitcom "Diff'rent Strokes" who spent the rest of his life struggling on Hollywood's D-list, died Friday after suffering a brain hemorrhage. He was 42.

1) Gary Coldman
2) Gary Corpseman
3) Gary Coffin
4) Gary Deadman
5) Indifferent Stroke
6) Whatchu talkin bout, will reader?

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Ronnie James Dio

LOS ANGELES -- Ronnie James Dio, whose soaring vocals, poetic lyrics and mythic tales of a never-ending struggle between good and evil broke new ground in heavy metal, died Sunday. He was 67.

More like…

1) Ronnie James Die-o
2) Gonnie James Dio
3) Now perfoming “Heaven & Hell” in Heaven and Hell
4) Ronnie James DOA
5) Done Ronnie Done

Note from Nobes: “Go figure. This is where I draw the line. I can't make fun of his death.”

Monday, May 3, 2010

Lynn Redgrave

NEW YORK -- Lynn Redgrave, an introspective and independent player in her family's acting dynasty who became a 1960s sensation as the freethinking title character of "Georgy Girl" and later dramatized her troubled past in such one-woman stage performances as "Shakespeare for My Father" and "Nightingale," has died. She was 67.

More like…

1) Lynn RedGRAVE! Oh wait. Shit. Her name is already a deadline.
2) Lyin’ in da Grave
3) Lynn "Say Hi To Peter" Graves
4) Lynn Freshgrave
5) Lynn Newgrave